Practical Advice on Burials in the Time of COVID-19

By Rabbi Shira Koch Epstein

This guide was informed by my work as an officiant at a Zoom burial, as well as my experience attending several Zoom funerals. In a world of physical distancing, when mourners can’t attend burials in person, creating meaningful mourning experiences is vitally important.

Ritual + Ceremony

It is meaningful to make it a ceremony as we would if we could be together in person. Do the service, include eulogies that can be given from people’s homes, sing psalms, shovel earth on behalf of the mourners, say Kaddish with them—and find ways to help people feel present.

Keep the camera on the hearse, casket, and gravesite before the service. Begin filming the service while walking to the grave and panning the stones and area around it to be “eyes” for the mourners.

Switch camera views as necessary. For example: switch to a view of your face when the service begins; turn the camera off or back to the grave while family members give eulogies or spoken testimonials as they would in person.

Act as hands for the mourners. As they can’t physically fulfill the mitzvah of shoveling earth, unmute each direct family member for a moment as you cast earth into the grave for each of them. Give them the opportunity to say aloud that they are asking you to do this on their behalf, and say something to their loved one (e.g. Please shovel some earth for me, Goodbye, daddy, I love you.”) 

Create opportunities to participate from home. For example: one mourner had a bowl of dirt and an empty bowl and at their home each person spooned dirt into the empty bowl as I cast dirt into the grave.

Saying Kaddish. Have the host screen share the kaddish slides (see below) and unmute everyone. To recite “together” even with sound lag, I recited and had mourners repeat the Kaddish after me, 3-5 words at a time so there was a feeling of unison without losing each other.

Technical Details

Designate an administrator. This person can help manage muting and unmuting, screen sharing, and calling on mourners to participate when appropriate. 

Set up a separate call for post-ceremony shiva/”reception.” This allows the family and other mourners to process together after the ceremony concludes.

Kaddish slides. Place the words of Kaddish in Hebrew and transliteration, large, on three slides. 

Equipment

Use a tablet. A Kindle Paperwhite is perfect - you can send a .pdf of the service to the device, it’s easy to turn pages in one hand while holding the phone/camera in the other. Document specs: 5x7 or 5x8 with a fond of about 20 will fit well on a Kindle screen.

Headphones with wires. Wireless earbuds have a tendency to drop at the worst possible moment. Headphones with a microphone allow you to speak/sing/listen even if it’s windy.

A small shovel, spade or cup. In NY, officiants are not allowed to touch the cemetery shovels or be anywhere near staff. In order to move earth, you need to bring your own tool, but it needs to be small enough to maneuver in one hand while you hold the phone/film with the other.